When I think about life before redemption, the single common thread that I can see interwoven in the poor choices of my Pre-Jesus days is this:
Hunger for intimacy.
I wanted to be deeply seen, known, desired and loved. Now, don’t get me wrong, these desires in and of themselves aren’t a bad thing. However, we err when we seek to get these needs met outside of the bounds of what God calls right and good. And this is certainly where I erred.
Proverbs 14:12
“There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.”
This unceasing desire to give my heart away to be tenderly loved, cherished, and cared for consumed me. I was hungry. And because I did not yet know the One who could fulfill these desires, I instead found myself in the arms of one who would shatter it into a million tiny pieces.
John 10:10
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Empty cup in hand, I jumped from relationship to relationship looking for someone, anyone, to spare love of any kind. Needless to say, my cup remained empty. Before I knew it, my hunger for love was met by lust, and I soon found myself seated at the Table of Compromise.
James 1:14-15
14 “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”
At least here I wouldn’t feel so alone and empty, right?
For a short while.
No matter how many arms held me, no matter how many soul-piercing sweet words said, no matter how many times I watched and engage in false forms of connection and intimacy, and no matter how much validation I sought after, it was never enough.
The hunger always returns. And with each visit it drove me further into the endless cycle of chasing things that could never deliver. Depression sets in. The heart grows cold. The darkness gets darker.
But Jesus.
In my brokenness, He passionately pursued me. In my wretchedness, He knelt down to wash my feet. He took my filthy rags and clothed me instead with His own fragrant, and costly garments of righteousness. In the suffocating darkness, He delivered me, and breathed new life into me as He ushered me into His everlasting Kingdom of Light.
Colossians 1:13-14
“He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”
On the other side of redemption now, I can say without a doubt that Christ’s love is strong enough. His love is able to reach into the deepest corners of your soul and fill it. It is powerful enough to break the chains that hold you in bondage. It’s tender enough to heal the hurting and broken places. And it’s pure enough to enable you to trust again.
But there’s a confession I have to make, though I’ve been filled with His precious Spirit and have sweet fellowship with Him, the longing to be deeply seen, known, desired and loved still returns. Each and every day, we must take time to be with Jesus, in His presence and in His Word. This is the place where our hunger is filled. He sees us, He knows every detail of our being, He passionately desires us, and loves us more deeply than anyone ever could.
So when we feel that ache, that desperate longing of the soul, let us not go scrounging for worldly scraps. We cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24), and worldly scraps will never satisfy. Instead, let’s view it as a holy invitation to draw close to our Creator. He desires intimacy with us and He wants to draw close (James 4:8). Instead of silencing the ache with things that don’t satisfy, let us pull up a seat at the Table of Grace that our soul might be fed with good things.
Isaiah 55:1-3
“Ho! Everyone who thirsts,
Come to the waters;
And you who have no money,
Come, buy and eat.
Yes, come, buy wine and milk
Without money and without price.
2 Why do you spend money for what is not bread,
And your wages for what does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good,
And let your soul delight itself in abundance.
3 Incline your ear, and come to Me.
Hear, and your soul shall live;
And I will make an everlasting covenant with you—
The sure mercies of David.”
Matthew 4:4
“But He [Jesus] answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’”
Psalm 107:9
“For He satisfies the longing soul, And fills the hungry soul with goodness.”
Sweet Sister, don’t let your adversary, the devil, deceive you to think that your longing for intimacy and true connection can be satisfied by sin. It won’t. We were created by God and for God. To feast on His life-giving Word. To walk in intimate fellowship with Him daily, and this by the Gift of the Holy Spirit. The more you seek Him, the more you will find Him. And the more you trust Him, and surrender your ways to follow His ways, as found in the Bible, He will reveal Himself to you in greater measures.
John 14:21
“He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.”
Jeremiah 29:13
“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
It is possible My Friend, to find your delight in God, but you have to believe Him when He says He’s enough; even when your flesh is screaming out otherwise. There is a reason why Jesus tells us to deny ourselves and take up our cross daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23). But if there’s one thing I can assure you of – He is worth it.
So believe Him when He says He is the Source of all we need and that we are complete in Him (Colossians 2:10). That in His presence is fullness of joy and pleasures forever more (Psalm 16:11). That He is Living Water and the Bread of Life (John 4:13-14, John 6:35) and that in Him we can be fully, completely,
Satisfied.
Seek Him. Cry out to Him. Pour out your soul before Him. He knows.
I want to end with this prayer for you that Paul once prayed for the believer’s in Ephesus found in Ephesians 3:14-20:
“For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, 17 that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, 21 to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”
Amen.
P.S. If you aren’t a part of a local church, I strongly encourage you to join yourself to a Bible-based body of believers. Community is God’s idea. We need other believers in our lives to lean on, to hold us accountable, to love and pray for one another as we walk out Christ’s mission together. We were never meant to walk this road alone.
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